so much to do a lil overhelming

Ok Let me start by talking about the death of my sister for a minute. My sister was a major alcoholic and drug addict all her life and at the age of 48 her liver finally completely failed. She knew for years that if she continued on the path of distruction this would happen and it almost seems she stepped it up even more. My mom is doing pretty good with the death of my sister but has come to the realization that addiction is taking her family away. First my father, than my brother, and now my sister. Who's next she says? Probably my niece if she doesn't get it together and keep it there. My niece is doing better right now. She is pregnant and trying sorta to stay sober. I don't see her doing the things I have to do to keep me clean. going to meetings, staying away from people places and things that put me in a bad spot, a weak spot. but I am at the point all I say is it is your life. But if you have this baby and continue to use, I will step in know that! She is a strong woman. I have faith that if she really wants it she can do it. So, me and my mom are going to an ALNON meeting tonight. I think it might help my mom understand her own reactions to the choices most in my family make when it comes to drugs and alcohol. My mom even said that she is giving up weed. We will see about that. I don't condone her using weed but I understand it helps with her pain a great deal. I hope she does give it up completely. Good for her! She has grown so much mentally and emotionally since moving to KC. I love it.
My son got a decent job! YAY for him and for my pocketbook. He can finally afford to pay his own bills. I am so proud of him. As usual. We took him out for dinner to celebrate his new job. He wanted sushi. ew. the rest of us choose to eat cooked food. I have no idea where he got his tastebuds at lol.
School is crazy busy right now. I'm struggling a lil bit in my documentary class because I was given a partner that Im not so sure I want to be associated with the project he wants to do. He didn't fully explain to me about this guy and his website. All he told me was that it was an online mag about music. OK great Im down for that I said. I dont mind doing someone elses idea at all. Then I checked out the site. It is a Christain Mag about punk rock music and more God related stuff. Look I dont have any problem with other people and their choice of faith and what they want to believe. Just not my thing and Im not sure I want my name as anything directly associated with it. Im gonna have to do it, keep my mouth shut and smile but I don't like it at all and I dont want any credit except maybe edited by on it. I just don't want it to be consided made by me at all. Its great what they are doing. Very positive message on the site. Just not MY beliefs is all. I guess I need to learn to be professional about some films I might work on. I just think if you have a choice why associate yourself with something you dont believe. I wouldn't dare do a movie about a Repulican ... unless it was to show how against it I am lol. Principles you know. Where is my boundary with filmmaking? Just learning that.
Im starting a ten page screenplay now. This should be interesting. Keep your fingers crossed on this assignment.
Thats enough blabbing. Thanks for visting blog readers. Have a wonderful week!

Life Happens

In my life I have made some bad choices and good choices just like anyone else. I am not perfect nor do I try to fool anyone including myself that I am. I am a recovering drug addict. I was once one of the worst drug users you can be. My drug of choice with meth and I was an IV user. After years of abusing drugs I CHOOSE and continue to chose not to be an active drug user any longer. I know my disease. I know the choices I make will bring consequences of a not so pleasant kind if I chose to do drugs. Why am I writing about this today? Well, addiction, although not my choice today, is once again enveloped my life. Let me say that drugs have played a huge part in the death of my father and brother in the past. A few months ago I lost a dear dear friend to an OD. Kurt and I used together and we had moments of being clean together. I was very blessed to have him in my life. There was a time that he kept me alive and I will never forget him! Today we are getting ready to drive to the St Louis area. My sister has been in the hospital for a couple of weeks now and the doctors are suggesting that we unplug her monday. As she lie in that hospital with a failed liver from years of alcohol and drug abuse at the age of 48 her daughter (32) struggles with her own demons with alcohol and drugs. Me and my sister were never close because of the person alcohol and drugs made her be. My niece and I have become close in the last two years. I have done everything in my power to help my niece not become her mother but I fear it could be too late. I love them but there is nothing else I can do for either of them any longer. So, if you experience even one time that alcohol or drugs have affected your life know that there are choices you can make. My sister and my niece CHOSE the path of distruction and death. I CHOSE daily to live my life without drugs. It might be too late for my sister but it is not too late for my niece. Now I can only hope that she will also chose to get clean and sober on the daily basis. Life IS worth it! Thank you Cody (my son) for loving me enough to stand up to me and show me I was making the wrong choices!

A Day at the Lake

another tuesday

I just tried to get ahold of my niece. I have been worried about her. She is an alcoholic who has been to prison, ruined marriages, lost her four kids, had health problems you name it she has experienced it with her issues with drugs and alcohol. The father of her children did have the kids but he is also a drug addict and the kids were recently taken away and placed with his parents for the second time. Those kids go thru so much with their parents its really sad. I am happy they are safe though. My niece has the chance of getting her kids back but she can't seem to put down the booze and get it together. As a recovering drug addict myself I understand her struggle but after years and years of using you have to come to a point where you just have had enough. Where is her bottom? I wish she would get there not only for herself but for her kids. They need their mother! I don't enable my niece I just keep encouraging her to get it together and live the kind of life I know she is capable of. Time will tell. I can only hope that she doesn't kill herself getting to her bottom.

I have a list of things to do today. You know the normal clean the house do some shopping take care of the laundry blah blah blah. I also need to finish my homework before tomorrow morning but that wont take me long. I have a habit of waiting to the last minute to get homework done. I work better under pressure.

Cody, my 20 year old son, is struggling with life a lil bit. He is having a hard time finding a job that will pay his bills while he gets his certificate to work on computers. He is right where most of us are at that age. I'm glad I can be there for him thru his struggles of figuring out who he is.

Well, thats all for today blog friends. I must get to my life for the day. Have a wonderful day!!!

The Tower

This was a short narrative independent film I worked on with a couple of guys I met at school. I was a production assistant on this film and I only worked on the main day of their shooting. It was hotter than hell in KC that day!!! Everyone there was funny as hell. They all worked well together. When I volunteer to work on these projects I always learn. I try my best to stay close to the director and the director of photography so I can listen in on what they are doing and see how they are doing it. I can't wait to see the final project. Keep an eye out maybe I will be able to post a sneak peekie at this film sometime soon.

First Blog

I wanted a place I could come to and talk about the things going on in my life today. I wanted a place I could share videos and pictures of the projects I work on. I am a student filmmaker learning new and exciting things everyday and what better way to share with my friends then to have a blog about it all. Sometimes I will just be sharing about film projects but I will also be sharing just the little things going on in my life. Letting my friends get to know me a lil better each time. Hope you all enjoy this experience with me. Stay tune for more blog friends!