Believing in me! First day back in therapy!

First day back in therapy after years of not going. I am lucky enough to be back with one of my favorite therapist that I have ever had where I don't have to start all over with someone new. Of course the first thing she ask is what do you want to work on? What is going on with you? I didn't know where to begin. There are so many major changes going on in my life I am overwhelmed and stressed out! I know there is a lot in my history that I have to look back on so I can move forward. We touched base on what has been going on in the last few months and how I'm trying my best to deal with but have those days I don't deal with anything so well at all. I suppose most people have days like these. This can't be that unusual right? As the session progressed she mentioned to me that she has never seen me more open and ready to face things. I am not the most cooperative patient one can have for sure. I shut down and put up road blocks at every turn to avoid what really needs to be said. It's hard for me to trust anyone. I don't like being that way but life has made me this way and I have to now learn new ways of approaching and dealing with who I am and not who others are. I have to work on setting boundaries with people that are unhealthy to be around. This includes any family members that might be toxic for me. I am the youngest of 5 brothers and 2 sisters. Two of which have already passed away. One that has completely disowned all of us and 2 I have hardly any touch with. That leaves 2 brothers that have a superficial relationship with. I may not have been lucky in having strong bonds with my brothers and sisters but I do have 5 cousins which I consider my sisters.(and one cousin I consider a brother) I spend all the holidays with them and their families and I wouldn't have it any other way. Maria, Sam, Kimbur, Missy, Roni, and Josh. They have taught me many things over the years and have been there when I have success and when I have failures. I can ALWAYS count on them and I love them for that! ok so where am I going with this blog. Hard to say lol. I know that you can change behaviors IF you are open to changing them. I am open. I think I wrote in another blog that I have hope! With hope comes desire! With desire comes change. I can change to become the person I know is there inside me. I see glimpses of that person. I hear those positive things from those closest to me. Now it is time to start believing in myself! Time to stop putting others before me and take care of me. That is my beginning. With the help of my therapist and the love and support of my sisters I know that I will be ok. Im also very lucky to have a son that supports me and believes in me even when I don't deserve it from him. I would not be this far in my life without him. How I raised such a loving, caring, old fashioned terrific guy is beyond me. He is every bit of good that is in me! Thank you to my family that loves me unconditionally and believe with me that I will become who I am suppose to truly be!!