Day 2 of Therapy. Memories real or not? 'reframing'

Do you ever have memories that you aren't sure are real? I was having a conversation with a friend of mine that I have known for 15 years and we were discussing a traumatic event years ago and our versions were a bit different. Granted when this event happen we were both in serious active addiction. I have heard this same event told by at least 4 different people and all of us remember it differently. I had day 2 of therapy. Seems every time I leave a session my mind starts spinning and I start seeing flashes of things from my past. Things that I feel shameful for and guilt. I have always been one to take responsibility for the wrongs I have done without hesitation. We all know right from wrong and when I do wrong and am confronted with it I don't have that ability to lie or deny it. This never helped in those days of active addiction. Everyone would tell me I make a horrible criminal. I suppose that is a compliment now but back then it made it hard to live that life I was in. Ok so back to the memories...I have been trying to piece together things from my childhood that have shaped who I might be today. I say might because I am really not sure who I am at this point in my life. There are huge gaps in time all thru my life. Things I have blocked out. Maybe for the best or maybe because I don't want to face my part. Im not really sure. This lack of memory in time and situations has been haunting me for a long time. I listen to people talk about their childhood memories like they were yesterday and wonder why I don't have that ability. It really bothers me that there are even YEARS I can't remember or piece things together. Where I was or who I was with or what my life was like. I do have a few good memories and I even question them. Do I have those because I want to have them or are they really true memories. My childhood was a rough one. I know that it made me a survivor of the horrible things I went thru. Horrible things that is very hard for me to talk about with emotions attached to it. When I do speak of some of the things I remember I tell the story as if I was a bystander and it didn't effect me. I want to remember now. I want to work my way thru it. I say this because of the anger I have been feeling lately. Anger that I associate with my past. The choices I made. I am angry at me! I am sure that some of that anger is suppose to be directed at me but if I heard someone else tell the same story I would feel empathy for the victim and not the for the person that caused the harm. I know in reality that I am too hard on myself sometimes. I wrote in a previous blog about old tapes and new tapes. In my therapy session we talked about learning to 'reframe' my situations. I researched earlier what exactly this meant. It's about seeing the good results instead of the bad results. Kind of like old tapes and new tapes I wrote about. I'm thinking maybe my therapist might not want to tell me the method she might be using with me because as I was reading about 'reframing' I was a bit skeptical of this method. It sounds like this is a method that can be effective don't get me wrong but its extremely apparent that this is something I should learn to do because when I researched it I kept thinking this process sounds impossible. At this point in my life I am willing to try just about anything to move forward. I kind of feel sorry for my therapist because this might be difficult for me to do and will probably take a long time to believe in it. I mean truly believe that it is effective and works. I'm tired of feeling the anger, shame, and guilt! I want relief. My usual answer to relief is never a healthy one. I fight those urges daily. I may go days without finding relief in a healthy way but I can also go days without choosing the unhealthy methods. I do have my moments of making the wrong decision. Time to deal with the memories! Real or not. Unclear or not. I have to take what I have in this crazy head of mine and work with it.