Feeling Lost

No matter how hard I am trying to start over it seems it's not enough! It's really hard to stay positive when you feel the deck is stacked against you! I'm staying proactive in doing whatever I can to make a fresh start for myself but road block after road block keeps getting in the way. I'm frustrated! I want so badly to have that peace I had just a few short months ago. I will continue taking the next right step to the best of my ability. That's all I got for now. I'm tired! I know that much. I need to do something to refuel. I thought the recent vacation was what would work and it did for a few days when I got back and than reality was there again. I do believe I am in the need of a 12 step meeting because I am NOT in a good space. I miss my mom. She was my rock! I didn't realize just how much she was until she was gone. I talk to her all the time but it's just not the same as having her with me. I just want to stop stressing about how Im going to survive everyday. I wish I had the confidence to charge for photography to make some extra money but I just don't feel like Im that good. Self esteem is an issue for most addicts. It's really hard to just ask for help. And even harder to know who to ask help from. I feel so lost!